Sunday, January 18, 2015

Stream of Consciousness: Tired

I am tired. I didn't sleep well last night with Big Yankee gone for work. I stayed up too late reading thinking it would be easier to fall asleep if I was exhausted. I cry most when I am falling asleep. And when I am in the car alone. And when I am in the shower. Today my tears don't stop but I have also mastered the art of hiding them. We are restless. Four trapped inside today. Snow still covers the grass and fields but roads are a slushy nightmare now. I am apprehensive to go out much. Only if I have to. Scared to re-injure my ankle. Five and a half weeks of a walking boot and no driving was quite hellish at times. Tomorrow is another day of no school or work. Another day to get on each other's nerves. Five minutes is not a very long time--except when it is. When your brain is a jumbled mess of thoughts, ideas and sadness and you don't know how to put it out there. So your fingers dance on the keyboard as the time ticks away and you wait anxiously for the oven timer to signal the end. 

Friday, January 16, 2015

Fractured Friday

I woke up today with a migraine so I took some meds and went back to beg. I woke up feeling worse which sucks because I have to work and I volunteered to watch other people's kids tonight. At least it is Pizza Friday!! I wrote this week but nothing worth publishing. So I didn't. In my half asleep medicated state this morning I dreamed-or perhaps hallucinated that my supervisor surprised me with a trip to Florida and Mexico for a conference. Dare to dream! My real life travel includes a two day Continuous Quality Improvement training two and a half hours away. It means a lovely hotel stay and sharing a room with my co-worker. The joys of working for a non-profit. My head is pounding, my kids have early release today, it's still snowing and Big Yankee is away for work all weekend. Calgon cannot take me far enough away....I NEED WINE!!

What are your random thoughts on this Friday??

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Stream of Consciousness: Surviving

All Things Fadra has brought back Stream of Consciousness Sundays. It's like she KNEW I needed a brain dump. I cannot believe it in 2015. It was a hell of a year and I didn't write least not outside of my head. I am hoping to change that in 2015. I need blogging-for the therapy and the connections. My world is quite noisy and chaotic and it helps me to hammer out some thoughts in black and white at my lovely keyboard. Most of my energy has been funneled into surviving. It takes every ounce and often that is still not enough. This was the first Christmas without my mom and I wasn't able to spend it with my dad or siblings. It is nine days until the anniversary of her death. I have no idea what the hell to do that to get thru it.