Desperately Seeking Sleep

Sleep

I am in such desperate need of it and yet it continues to evade me. It has been a week now and I am starting to  beyond desperate. With three sleep challenged monkeys I have probably only slept thru the night a handful of times over the last 10 years but I usually manage to patch together a decent night's sleep. Luckily, I can coerce StinkBug into a nap once a week and you can be damn sure I join him! By nature (and unemployment) I am a night owl but by the time Friday rolls around I usually fall into bed exhausted by the time 11 o'clock rolls around.

It all started over the holidays. Between Big Yankee's visit and the kids's being out of school we just did whatever the hell we wanted. Since the monkeys were staying up later this meant we HAD to stay up later  if we wanted any chance of time alone. Seeing as we have have been separated by 1231 miles since August we were desperate for time together...alone. No more details or images necessary I assume? With another parent at home I had many opportunities to sleep late. I may or may not have slept until noon on more than one occasion.

The monkey's went back to school last week so regular routines and normal bedtimes are happening once again...for them. My body and brain however, are rebelling with all their might. I do my standard evening routine and still I lie awake at night...tossing and turning and becoming increasingly agitated by the minute. I have been operating on 5-6 hours of intermittent sleep for the past 8 days. I am cranky, impatient, groggy, and drinking too much caffeine to name a few.

So what can I do? My options are limited....as the only adult here I can't go to bed until they do. We barely make bedtime as it is so pushing their's earlier won't help. In fact, it would likely backfire as things would be more rushed and increase the likelihood of meltdowns-both theirs and mine. I managed a nap once this week but trying for more than that isn't very realistic. I can't help but think the naps could be screwing up my nighttime sleep even more. 

I have resorted to taking Benadryl twice now in the past week. Though I wake up a bit foggy it does work it's magic but I don't want to rely on it. There was a time last year I was taking OTC sleep meds 5 to 6 nights a week in order to get some zzz's. My doctor was aware of it and assured me it was fine but when I got to the point where I absolutely could not fall asleep without it that was my wake up call. Luckily some things in my life changed a bit and over time I was able to wean myself of sleep meds completely. While I NEED sleep I am afraid it would be a slippery slope.

How much sleep do you get a night? What do you do when you can't fall asleep?

Why I Waited Until the Last Minute

I am always late to the party.

I suffer from hype-aversion. Urban Dictionary defines it as:

Rejection of an insanely popular idea, game, show, place etc. simply because it is so insanely popular.

Remember back in October--waaaay before Halloween when Christmas threw up in the aisles of Helmart? That pissed me off. Really sucked the holiday spirit right outta me. It did exactly opposite what retailers hoped for...it made me NOT. WANT. TO. SHOP.

Black Friday? Why the heck would I get up before the butt crack of dawn (no offense Dawn) to be pushed and shoved by crazy @$$ sleep deprived, heavily caffeinated, roving pack of wolves shoppers. It is JUST STUFF!

Cyber Monday? I was THIS CLOSE to being sucked in. I almost joined their reindeer games. And then I remembered that my first tier of unemployment had expired and I had yet to be approved for the next round. It's hard to get excited about spending money when you aren't sure if you'll have any.


My luck changed last week when I was approved for the next tier. I breathed a huge sigh of relief...I probably even cried. I was READY TO SHOP. I had been makings lists, checking them twice, comparing prices and filling my cyber carts.


A major downside of this commuter marriage gig is that I have no back-up. I am literally with my children every moment of every day and four year olds are not good at keeping secrets. I have no child care. No family in town. I may have been able to rustle up a teenage sitter but that meant less money to spend of gifts. People aren't exactly jumping at the chance to take on three monkeys who don't belong to them. And while I am often the first to jump in and offer to help I am not so good at the asking for help thing.


When my parents announced they were driving up for Einstein's first band concert last week we both jumped for joy. They planned on coming mid-morning to hang with StinkBug and pick up the other 2 monkeys from school so I could shop till I dropped.


And then Dad woke up at 3 am puking. He was going to rest for awhile, drink some ginger ale and then attempt the two hour drive. Then his pulse was going a little nuts and Mom said she'd try to talk him into going to the clinic if it didn't slow down. They had some scary health issues this past year and we aren't taking chances.


I told them to stay home. We were all disappointed. They felt like they were letting us down. Einstein was going to be heart-broken. I wasn't going to be able to buy Christmas presents. I told them I would figure something out.


Dad was feeling better and emailed me that he would come up on Tuesday. I didn't tell the kids this time...in case it didn't work out. I'm not so good with the disappointment tears lately...maybe because I am shedding them myself?


Listening to the five day forecast on Monday I felt a lump rising in my throat...rain, ice, snow. I started freaking the hell out trying to devise a back-up plan. The plan consisted of me freaking the hell out while calmly telling Big Yankee that it would all work out because IT HAD TO. Because I didn't want him to feel guilty being so far away and not being able to do anything about it. Because his plane didn't land until Christmas Eve and there was nothing he could do about it. Late Monday a friend posted on Bitchslap FaceBook that her parents were stranded in New Mexico as roads leading home were closed. I distracted myself on Twitter in an attempt to avoid curling up in the fetal position and crying myself to sleep.


By Tuesday morning the torrential downpour had slowed to a trickle. The temperature gauge in the Quest read 34. After taking the kids to school and setting StinkBug up with his LeapFrog dvd I made beds, started some laundry & unloaded the dishwasher with tears trickling down my face. The guilt of yet another lousy Christmas memory was more than I could handle.


And then the phone rang. Roads were clear, weather warming up more than expected. Dad said he would be here by 11:30.


And that is why I waited until the last minute to shop.

Thankful I don't have a job!

When Einstein woke up at 8:05 am (Can I just say I LOVE late start Mondays? Cuz I do) asking for the thermometer I knew we were in trouble because:

1.) We can NEVER find the temperature taking device (although we have several placed strategically around the house for that very purpose). 

Note to self: Buy everyone a thermometer for stocking stuffer this year. Yes even one for the turtle and 2 fish.




b.) It's turkey day week which means 2 days of school. Which means if you are "sick" they think you are starting your vacation early and that Mother of the Year trophy keeps slipping further and further out of my reach.

I spend a few minutes searching frantically looking in logical places for one of the 43 thermometers we have while thinking to myself.


"Self, you really gotta convince your kid to go to school or you will definitely be handed your slacker mom ribbon (not even a trophy for slacker moms...b/c WTH will dust it or even make sure if gets out of the Nissan Quest before it is sucked into the black hole of mini vans?). Remember how you took the kids out for 4 days when Big Yankee came home? And how Halloween eve was all kinds of chaotic (and not because of trick or treating and sugar highs) and the kids didn't go to bed until 11 and you were going to take them in to school late but Einstein freaked out about going in late so you just said "what the hay we will take a mental health day?" And you know how the kids have been in school for 3 1/2 months and they have missed about 7 days. Umm, yeah that isn't doing anything for your Mother of the Year ratings.


I muster up my best concerned mommy voice and say "Well buddy, looks like you should go ahead and go to school since we can't find the blasted thermometer don't know if you have a fever. You can always go to the nurse if you feel bad."


He looks up with his big blue eyes and says "But I don't want to throw up at school again."


I nod sympathetically and place my hand on his forehead all the while explaining that it doesn't look good for him to stay home on the Monday of a 2 day week. 


"Besides," I say, "you don't feel ho..."


He promptly pushes my hand away and makes a mad dash to puke his guts out.


I am relieved that I am not scrambling around calling in to work, stressing about who is covering my classroom (Mondays are always the worst day to be gone when you teach..and Tuesdays, Wednesdays,.....). One of the perks of unemployment is that I don't worry myself sick about what I am going to do when I have sick kids.


What is your back-up plan for sick kids?

Q & A

Why Fractured Family Tales?
Because I am the mom and I get to name it!  It describes our current family situation, it's something I write about often and I feel it goes a long way in defining me...at least for right now. In October 2010 we had to make the life changing decision to split our family up in order to keep our lives from falling completely apart. And this is our story. (Cue Law and Order music)

Isn't it hard?
Hell yes it is but parenting and life is about making hard choices. We feel this is the only choice that makes sense for our family right now. We never expected to be living like this 13 months later but much has happened and this is where we are.

How often do you get to see each other?
Not often enough! Since Big Yankee moved 1231 miles away in August we have seen him once...for 3 1/2 days. Our current financial situation and his job duties make it impossible for him to come home for Thanksgiving. He will be here for Christmas though and we are all counting the days! In the previous 7 1/2 months before that we were able to see each other MOST weekends. Big Yankee lived 2 hours away and stayed with other family members during the week.

Isn't is hard on the kids?
Can I get another Hell yeah? We haven't had a "normal" living situation for the past 13 months. There have been many, challenging transitions due to jobs, health, finances and logistics in general. For three months I lived here with two kids while WOH FT and Big Yankee lived in another state with StinkBug (3 1/2 at the time) worked and lived with family. Next he lived with all three kids in a family members house and I lived alone. That lasted for about a month and then a family emergency resulted in Stink Bug moving back with me and Big Yankee, Einstein and Peanut living out of state. Then of course there was this summer when we were both laid off and we ALL lived under the same roof for ten weeks....four of which we spent traveling across country. We have had our house on and off the market for the last 8 1/2 months. Yeah....good times.

 Do you have any help?
We have very supportive family who do whatever they can to help. Unfortunately we don't have anyone that lives locally so there isn't the day in day out on site help. We take weekend trips to see family as circumstances allow. I am so grateful for my amazing dad and brother who go the extra mile to give the kids a hands on male role model since Big Yankee isn't able to be here.

What do you blog about?
I am just getting started so who knows what all I will write about. Some of the things I write about now are:

*my family
*parenting
*unemployment
*surviving in a commuter marriage
*early childhood
*gifted children

So what else do you want to know?

Things I've Learned While Unemployed

1. I don't HATE painting. In fact, I kinda LOVE it. Mind you I have only painted a bathroom but I had to remove hideous wallpaper (which I also kinda enjoyed) and it took 3 coats. It is amazing what one can enjoy when one has a seemingly infinite amount of time to accomplish a task.

2. I LIKE working in my yard/flower beds. I am not growing anything yet but not killing anything either! I feel a sense of accomplishment when pulling out weeds and using large, sharp tools for trimming tree limbs, pulling out dying rose bushes etc. 

3.Keeping a house show ready is possible and dare I say enjoyable? Again back to having lots of time to accomplish things. When this place finally sells and we have a new humble abode I might even pretend that it is for sale so that my house will be immaculate.

4. I can feed a family of 4 for 2 weeks on $120. We had to forgo the steaks and lobster but we managed. I hope not to be in this situation for much longer but it is amazing the $$ one can save when there just isn't any $$.

5. This not going to a job thing is  a wild roller coaster ride. I have been working since I was 15 1/2, babysitting since I was 11. This is the LONGEST STRETCH of time I have not worked for a paycheck. Some days I love it and think "wow I could get use to this!" Other days I strongly consider a career change and practice saying "Would you like fries with that?" Work is a break from my momma to 3 monkeys life, it is where I do lots and lots of socializing, where I am part of something bigger, a team player. Though right now this is where I need to be...single parent to 3 monkeys, missing my hubs of 12 years, and hoping our house sells soon.