Why I Waited Until the Last Minute

I am always late to the party.

I suffer from hype-aversion. Urban Dictionary defines it as:

Rejection of an insanely popular idea, game, show, place etc. simply because it is so insanely popular.

Remember back in October--waaaay before Halloween when Christmas threw up in the aisles of Helmart? That pissed me off. Really sucked the holiday spirit right outta me. It did exactly opposite what retailers hoped for...it made me NOT. WANT. TO. SHOP.

Black Friday? Why the heck would I get up before the butt crack of dawn (no offense Dawn) to be pushed and shoved by crazy @$$ sleep deprived, heavily caffeinated, roving pack of wolves shoppers. It is JUST STUFF!

Cyber Monday? I was THIS CLOSE to being sucked in. I almost joined their reindeer games. And then I remembered that my first tier of unemployment had expired and I had yet to be approved for the next round. It's hard to get excited about spending money when you aren't sure if you'll have any.


My luck changed last week when I was approved for the next tier. I breathed a huge sigh of relief...I probably even cried. I was READY TO SHOP. I had been makings lists, checking them twice, comparing prices and filling my cyber carts.


A major downside of this commuter marriage gig is that I have no back-up. I am literally with my children every moment of every day and four year olds are not good at keeping secrets. I have no child care. No family in town. I may have been able to rustle up a teenage sitter but that meant less money to spend of gifts. People aren't exactly jumping at the chance to take on three monkeys who don't belong to them. And while I am often the first to jump in and offer to help I am not so good at the asking for help thing.


When my parents announced they were driving up for Einstein's first band concert last week we both jumped for joy. They planned on coming mid-morning to hang with StinkBug and pick up the other 2 monkeys from school so I could shop till I dropped.


And then Dad woke up at 3 am puking. He was going to rest for awhile, drink some ginger ale and then attempt the two hour drive. Then his pulse was going a little nuts and Mom said she'd try to talk him into going to the clinic if it didn't slow down. They had some scary health issues this past year and we aren't taking chances.


I told them to stay home. We were all disappointed. They felt like they were letting us down. Einstein was going to be heart-broken. I wasn't going to be able to buy Christmas presents. I told them I would figure something out.


Dad was feeling better and emailed me that he would come up on Tuesday. I didn't tell the kids this time...in case it didn't work out. I'm not so good with the disappointment tears lately...maybe because I am shedding them myself?


Listening to the five day forecast on Monday I felt a lump rising in my throat...rain, ice, snow. I started freaking the hell out trying to devise a back-up plan. The plan consisted of me freaking the hell out while calmly telling Big Yankee that it would all work out because IT HAD TO. Because I didn't want him to feel guilty being so far away and not being able to do anything about it. Because his plane didn't land until Christmas Eve and there was nothing he could do about it. Late Monday a friend posted on Bitchslap FaceBook that her parents were stranded in New Mexico as roads leading home were closed. I distracted myself on Twitter in an attempt to avoid curling up in the fetal position and crying myself to sleep.


By Tuesday morning the torrential downpour had slowed to a trickle. The temperature gauge in the Quest read 34. After taking the kids to school and setting StinkBug up with his LeapFrog dvd I made beds, started some laundry & unloaded the dishwasher with tears trickling down my face. The guilt of yet another lousy Christmas memory was more than I could handle.


And then the phone rang. Roads were clear, weather warming up more than expected. Dad said he would be here by 11:30.


And that is why I waited until the last minute to shop.