Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Avoidance Tactics

After dropping off the kids at school (Was I still in pj pants? No Comment) I was thrilled to receive a text request for a house showing-tomorrow evening.

YES I text back in all caps (because if it's not all caps they call you which means talking to a living, breathing human).

I look at my living room which has become headquarters for Project Organization 2012. I have two of these


a massive pile of important papers, enough art supplies to stock Michael's, my newly acquired Dymo Label Maker, and a random assortment of other crap  random items I have deemed essential for survival. The vaccuum cleaner is still plugged in (yes it has been there for three days...you got a problem with that?) ready to suck up any renegade white pine needles I may find. A mammoth cardboard box overflows with gifts from Christmas at my parents..waiting patiently to be unpacked and put away.

 My kitchen table has transformed into a Playdoh Mega Fun Factory command post.

 Two Rescue Forces helicopters use the coffee table as their launching pad. John Deere tractors, Caterpillar front end loaders and dump trucks stake claim to any remaining floor space as two little boys start their "work day."

And don't even get me started on the rest of the house.

So rather than ACTUALLY take steps to prepare for previously mentioned house showing tomorrow I will provide you with a list of things to do in order to avoid cleaning and staging the house.


1. Tweet about it. Ask for cleaning fairies.

2. Call and see if little boy down the street can come over to play because it is so EASY to clean and organize with two demanding tornadoes  calm, independent children shadowing you.

3. Cyber stalk electric company to see if current bill has been posted.

4. Tweet your shock at electric bill increasing by $30.

5. Flip through rec center catalog and circle activities that you and children fantasize about doing.

6. Get out your spiffy new old school calender (Thank you Barnes & Noble) and consult as you consider enrollment in various activities.

7. Spend 10 minutes looking for images of your rad calender to post on blog. Unsuccessful.

8. Text Big Yankee about house showing "I don't know how I will get it all done!"

9. Check Facebook to see if your MIL has responded to your message so you can plan for their arrival accordingly.

10. Go to realtor.com and greedily devour house porn where you will be moving. 

11. Check dryer and dump clothes on the only made bed in the house. Vow to return in 5 minutes to fold and put them away.

12. Intervene before all hell breaks loose between 2 little boys. Send them downstairs to make a fort out of the sofa cushions because you are a glutton for punishment.

13. Check Facebook so you can get your recommended daily allowance of annoyance.

14. Write a blog post about how to avoid getting your house ready for a showing.



11 comments:

L-Diggitty said...

You have just reminded me that I need a label-maker. Like whoa.

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Wow! You are cracking me up!! A house showing in general is hectic but just after the holidays...ugh! Good luck with the showing!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Missy said...

I do not, not, not want to ever have to put my house up for a showing. But, the likelihood of that never happening? Is pretty low, right?

Carrie said...

Absolutely, tee-totally get your way of doing things.

Sad, huh?

Jennifer said...

Oh girl, I'm going to bookmark this. We are going to sell this summer & I am dreading it. I hope that you did have showing and that it went well!

Jennifer said...

When we sold our house we sent to stay with my mother so it would stay pristine. What can I say? I'm lazy.

Nicole said...

It's amazing that although I am not selling a house many of my stall activities are similar to yours....stalling is something I'm very good at lol. I would have to add getting sucked into pinterest for hours on end to that list.

jesterqueen.com said...

I may need to use those tactics to avoid laundry in the very near future. No house showings by way of inspiration, but that mountain is AWFUL and intimidating!!

Maggie S. said...

HILARIOUS!!! This is SO me. My house is not currently on the market because of many of these factors.

...and I get my Old School Calendar at B&N, too!!!

Maggie S. said...

LOVE SOCK MONKEYS!!!...do you have the salt and pepper shakers.

Robbie K said...

What? They make sock monkey salt & pepper shakers? I soooo need them!