Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Exposed

Yesterday I wrote and hit publish on an intense post. It's something I've NEVER shared in writing before. Something I've kept buried deep, deep in the depths of my soul. Something I've only ever told FOUR people.

I typed through my tears, reliving it as I pounded the keys of my laptop, my five year old sitting beside me in bed watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

I thought it would make me feel better to share...to process it and move on. And yet since I hit publish I feel more stuck. Like I am in quicksand.

I feel totally raw and exposed and out of control..just like that eleven year old girl I once was.

Still I feel compelled to share what happened.

I am remembering things long forgotten. I am bulldozed by the memories and the tears explode for my eyes...as I walk on the track, as I drive to swim lessons, as I match socks.

This isn't something you get over, but something you get through. I thought I was ready to go through it again, but now I'm uncertain.

I know there have been comments and I am sure they are amazing and supportive will make me cry but I cannot read them yet. Please forgive me.

I thank each and every one of you who has commented or shared my story.

I will write the rest of it.

Rip the bandage off and expose the oozing, festering wound.

And I will be stronger and better for it.

Someday.


Thanks to Shell for giving me a place to pour it all out.

6 comments:

Finders Keepers said...

What you wrote was amazingly brave. What you wrote will help others work through their deep secrets. You are not alone and you just made others feel not alone. (((HUGS)))

christina said...

take your time, Robbie. it's been about 24 hours since i read it and it's STILL sitting with me and it didn't happen to me. i really do feel writing is theraputic and i really pray that you'll feel less stuck real soon. ::big hugs::

MamaMash said...

You tucked it away for a long time. And I know you probably expected to be free, because that's what the little quote pictures on Pinterest and self-help blogs tell us.

But you're right, the truth is that at first you've got to relive it all over again, and that is. going. to. SUCK.

Keep working through it. Reach out when you feel secure enough. And know that someone out there will most likely be encouraged to do the same after watching you triumph over it.

Shell said...

You are so strong. Tell your story in your time, read comments in your time- do what YOU need to do. xo

Jenna said...

Im proud of you for hitting publish and sharing your heart. And for linking up so I could see both posts today

AutismWonderland said...

You are absolutely true. Some things you just don't get over - you just need to get through. I know you have the strength to get through.

((HUGS))

Lisa