Monday, September 17, 2012

Weddings: Redneck Edition

I love a good wedding as much as the next person so when Stasha called for lists on weddings I was all over it. I've compiled a handy dandy list of signs that you might be at a Redneck wedding.

1. The groomsmen tackle the groom, pin him down and shave his head. 
At the reception.
And everyone circles the wagons and cheers them on.

**This happened at the first wedding I took Big Yankee to. I'm a bit surprised he didn't run off into the sunset.



2. RedNeck Girl is played as the bride gallops down the aisle.



3. Generic potato chips are served directly from the black and white bag. Vienna sausages are served straight out of the can and considered a finger food.


4. The Groom stumbles down the aisle, crushes an empty beer can against his forehead and throws it at the minister.

5. The reception hall aka American Legion meeting room is decorated with animal heads, fly paper and beer signs.

6. The bride and groom are cousins and guests can't figure out what side of the aisle to sit on.

7. The wedding cake is decorated with dead animals or empty beer cans.



8. Grandma starts doing topless table dances and no one seems to care. 

9. The wad of dip makes it difficult to understand the Groom's vows.


10. Instead of a bouquet the bride clutches her own spit cup.

32 comments:

Fritter said...

Haha! I have been to one wedding where a couple of those things took place. Thankfully it was not one with granny going topless :)

IASoupMama said...

Bwah-hahaha! Too funny. Worst wedding faux pas I ever witnessed was a bride and groom so drunk they fell during their first dance and stayed on the floor making out. No, it wasn't me, but poor hubby was the best man. Hubs stood there looking totally shocked and disgusted.

Your Doctor's Wife said...

I have never seen any of that!!! Obviously, I am missing out on some FANTASTIC times!

Marie said...

Robbie, I've been to two redneck weddings--thanks for the reminder!

One reception was held at the grange, and the women were notably much more dressed up than the men. I'll never forget the bride, Dana, in full wedding regalia, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer at the reception and shouting in a twang to her groom: "FRED!!! FRED!!!" The marriage didn't last a year.

The other one had a reception held at the Tacoma Gun Club, and the groom got rip-roaring drunk.

RoryBore said...

LOL....these are too funny! I don't think I've ever been to a real redneck wedding, but I have seen something really tasteless and unclassy things! usually involving either a very drunk groom, or falling down drunk bride.
Or the one where the bride and the best man were caught in the coat room. that was a fun wedding reception.

Clarinda @ Enjoying the Course said...

Awesome list!

Diane said...

These are hysterical! And there are no words for that cake...No words!

Empty Nester said...

I would laugh but some of that reminded me of the wedding we attended of one of DD2's friends from college. Oh goodness, I've never seen such food at a wedding reception. In the barn. Good times. LOL

Stacie @ Snaps and Bits said...

Haha, this is hilarious! I can honestly say now that I've never been to a redneck wedding!

Robbie K said...

Do you hail from a family of rednecks?

Robbie K said...

umm yeah that sounds a bit awkward!

Robbie K said...

You really MUST attend a Redneck wedding. Add it to your bucket list.

Robbie K said...

Gun clubs and smoking brides definitely qualify as redneck!

Robbie K said...

Seriously the bride and best man were busted at the wedding? I can only imagine how interesting that was.

Robbie K said...

Thank you very much.

Robbie K said...

Thanks :)
Repulsive, disgusting are words that come to mind when I think of that cake.

Robbie K said...

Those kind of weddings are a bit surreal aren't they.

Robbie K said...

Thanks! you've been missing out if you haven't been to a redneck marriage ceremony!

Pish Posh said...

Oh Kansas.

Haha spit cup GROSS!!

Jackie said...

Uh, Robbie, my skin is crawling with the spit cup reference! I guess I'm all "yankee" as I've never seen any of those things at a wedding. I will admit, my now hubby was worried about getting married in my native PA after seeing the movie the Deer Hunter & their wedding sequence. He thought that's what our reception would be like!

Kate said...

Funny! I've been to a wedding where #3 happened. It was so laid back, but we were all in fancy dresses and tuxedos. Very bizarre.

Jill said...

So funny! #6 made me almost pee my pants!

Kimberly said...

Now why didn't I think of this when we were planning our wedding? ;)

Robbie K said...

There are some things you just don't miss when you move.

Robbie K said...

It's a bit awkward isn't it? A wedding we went to served generic chips after the groomsmen shaved the groom.

Robbie K said...

Spit cups look a little too much lke rum and coke. Lol @ Deer Hunter.

Robbie K said...

Thanks :)

Robbie K said...

You missed out on dead squirrels and "meat" in a can.

Kimberly Speranza said...

I don't know how many weddings I've been to in the halls of the American Legion, the Elks or the Eagles clubs. But, have never seen a cake quite like that one! Fun take on the theme. :)

Robbie K said...

Thanks. I;m not opposed to reeptions at American legions etc but there's a way to make them not trashy, ya know?

Stasha said...

This is ROTFL material. Love it so much.the cousins one had me in stitches. Well all of them did. You are too funny for chips.

MomChalant said...

#6 is my personal favorite but these are all absolutely hilarious. I'm definitely going to have to share this one!