Intimidating

How can something blank be utterly intimidating? This empty white space freezes me up lately. I write in my brain all day long. Clever remarks, hysterical rants, heartbreaking memories, random lists. Anything and everything. I compose entire blog posts in the privacy of my brain but they cannot seem to make their way to the outside world. I've writing with paper and pen but the words don't come. I don't know why it's happening or how to get past it.

Sitting here in my darkened living room and enjoying the silence I desperately craved nearly every waking moment of the this day. The squeaks of the bunk bed as a boy rolls over and suddenly feet thud to the floor and race to the bathroom. He told me earlier he didn't feel well and I thought he was doing it for dramatic effect. As he hangs his head over the toilet my guilt grows. I should have believed him. Why didn't I believe him? I offer him a glass of water and a cold washcloth for his sweat forehead along with an apology. Memories of Mom pressing her cool hand on my forehead as I laid in the top bunk in the pink bedroom I shared with my sister.