Friday, September 20, 2013

One Day

I'm linking up with the always hysterical Mama Kat for her world renowned Writer's Workshop. You're just going to have to use your imagination as I am camera-less or pretend these internet photos are my real life.

Wake up coughing and stumble to the kitchen for some ice water. Fight the urge to look at the clock on the microwave. Fail miserably. It's 6:13 am.
Stumble back to bed and fight the urge to calculate how many more minutes I can sleep if I fall asleep now. or NOW. or EVEN NOW. Drift back to sleep.

6:38 am Woken up by text from friend informing me that she has been up all night with a puking husband and won't be walking today. Don't respond and fight the urge to calculate how many more minutes of sleep I will get if I fall asleep instantly. Fail miserably.

6:43 am Receive numerous text from others about walking and puking husbands and come to the realization that I won't be getting any more sleep.

6:45 am Unload dishwasher. Rummage through two backpacks in search of lunchboxes.

7:00 am Wake up two remaining children. Reheat pancakes in microwave. Check dryer and discover clothes are still sopping wet. Toss in two additional dryer sheets and hope for the best.


7:15 am Pack three lunches. Provide verbal encouragement for minions to get dressed. And brush hair. And brush teeth.

7:31 am Listen to disgruntled tween who is irritated that his favorite shorts are still in the dryer. Tell him to wear another pair but they are all in the dryer & far from dry. Teach him the trick of taking everything else out, tossing in 2 dry towels and damp shorts.

7:40 am-7:51 am Load three offspring into minivan and deposit them at two different schools while discussing my superior drop off skills and providing helpful hints to all the suck ass other parents.

7:51-8:14 am Decide to go to HelMart even after realizing that I opted out of donning my over the shoulder boulder holder for school drop off. Write a clever status update in my head about my appearance on the People of Walmart website. Buy shredded cheese, granola bars, chicken and 20 oz of pure joy aka Coca-Cola.


8:15 am-8:30 am Log onto BitchSlap Facebook and become excessively annoyed by all the Plexus and Xyngular crap in my feed. Opt to continue my highly scientific peanut butter and nutella toasted sandwich weightloss program. Wash it down with swigs of liquid gold aka Coca-Cola.

8:30-8:45 am Make bed, toss dry clothes on freshly made bed. Start another load of laundry. Fold one towel. Load dishes.

8:45-9:04 am Log onto work laptop to check & respond to emails. See email from supervisor I should have responded to yesterday.

9:05-10:13 am Shower and make myself presentable. Wipe off kitchen counter. Search Pinterest for breakfast casserole recipe to make for Mom's Group Brunch on Friday. Realize that I'm not using my time wisely so make various work related phone calls & texts.

10:14-11:45 am Home visit for work which includes conversations and activities about language development, social-emotional needs, breastfeeding and playing with their new kitten. Forget that I don't even like cats.


12:00-2:47 pm Arrive at office just in time to go to lunch with visiting supervisor and co-worker. Case management meeting, file reviews and VERY IMPORTANT work stuff.

2:48-3:30 pm En route to elementary school coordinate after school play date. Arrive at school and wait impatiently outside while resisting the urge to hurl due to overly amorous parents on the playground. Load up extra kid and head to Middle school where tween is impatiently waiting.

3:31-5:20 pm Open mail, text soccer coach, provide an assortment of healthy, organic edible, non-toxic snacks. Do work stuff. Realize there is no way in hell the ground beef I pulled from freezer this morning will magically become tacos.


5:20-7:00 pm Load soccer player, friend, soccer ball, water bottles, & book into van. Grow increasingly annoyed at soccer parents on my own team. Send rant texts to several friends regarding annoying soccer parents. Cheer wildly at game where StinkBug scores an AMAZING goal.

7:01-7:37 pm Call house and take dinner orders while instructing children to attend to their hygiene needs. Initiate call to grandparents so StinkBug can share his soccer glory. Go to Wendy's for one and Panda for three.

7:38-8:47 pm Eat dinner together, assist with enriching, challenging
mindnumbingly repetitive first grade homework, sweep up excess Apple Jacks, tortilla chips and unidentifiable objects on kitchen Youtube video at urging of tween son, call Big Yankee who is out of state so kids can say goodnight.

8:48-9:37 pm Tuck kids into bed and lay down with StinkBug because who can say no to those big brown eyes? Make a mental checklist of all the crap I have to do once they go to bed. Suddenly remember the name of the cookbook which has my favorite breakfast casserole recipe. Realize said cookbook is collecting dust in a storage unit in Kansas. Google Tidewater on the Half Shell in hopes of discovering favorite recipe is available online. Try to overcome my disappointment and find the courage to find another recipe.

9:38-11:18 pm Search for phone after numerous text alerts. Find it on kitchen counter next to jar of Nutella. Rationalize my need to consume a spoonful or four of Nutella. Transfer load of clothes to dryer. Seriously consider sleeping on couch to avoid pile of unfolded laundry on bed. Spend an inordinate amount of time writing a blog post detailing the excruciating details of my life.


Melinda Ott said...

Oof, what a day! Thanks for sharing it!

@dkotucker said...

Oish....I don't know about you but I'm exhausted!! ;P

Calculating the minutes before you have to get up is the bane of my existence! UGH!

Way to go StinkBug!!!

Tamara Camera said...

How many puking husbands were there?!! haha. What a day!

Jennifer Hall said...

Honestly Robbie, I completely love this post! I think I'm a bit of a voyeur and just love knowing these little tidbits about people's lives. Great job!

Carol said...

life sounds hectic... but funny!

Carol said...

btw, thanks for you comment on my blog. Telling Shaniel's Story is extremely important to our family. We don't want another person do go through what we have.

Xae Nafew said...

Love the way you've written this post :)I enjoyed reading it very much. Hope you get a break soon. You deserve it.
Visiting from SITS.

a happier girl said...

The day in the life of a mother is never short or uneventful! I can totally identify!

Eli@coachdaddy said...

I never got to place my Panda order ... sesame chicken, please, a diet Coke, and some of those little fried noodles. My kids and I call them Chinese potato chips.

This is a hectic life, and I can see why the dependence on Liquid Gold.

Teresa said...

I remember days like this when my son and daughter were younger. You brought me to tears with your "descriptives". Glad you survived the day enough to share such an exhausting schedule. Hope you were able to get a decent night of rest afterwards.

May said...

Keeping it real! I am not laughing AT you, I am laughing with you.
BTW I am in Kansas if you need me to swing by and grab that cookbook.

Robbie K said...

@ May I am desperate for my cookbooks so I'm going to take you up on that offer! :)

ThereMustBeAThirdOption said...

You lost me when you said you had to WAKE your kids up. Haha! I need a nap after reading about your day!

Robbie K said...

Yes I definitely wish waking them up could be avoided some days!!