Thursday, January 30, 2014

I Don't Know

I don't know how to do this.

How to be the daughter of a dead mother.

I don't know what to say when people ask "How are you? Are you doing ok?"

I know they mean well. I know because I've been the one asking that question before, sending the texts, saying if you need anything let me know.

I don't know how to answer their questions. I don't know what ok means. I don't know what I need. I don't know how to get up every morning and do the things I did before she died. 

At the funeral I could hug strangers, thank people for their outpouring of love and support. I could assure people that she was free of pain now. That she was ready to go. That it was peaceful.

I could laugh and cry at the stories that were shared. We would talk about the hundreds upon hundreds of lives she touched, about the amazing legacy she leaves.

We could say all of these things- but that doesn't make it hurt any less. 

I miss my mom. It hurts more and more each day, each hour, each minute, each second she is not here.

8 comments:

cynk said...

I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much.

@dkotucker said...

(((HUGS)))

My heart hurts for you.

Mamarific said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. You described so well exactly the way I felt after my Dad died. It took me about six months before I felt even remotely *normal* again. It was a paralyzing time. Hugs to you today.

Galit Breen said...

I'm so, so sorry you.

(And I'm so gad you're writing your heart.)

Thinking about you!

Jennifer Hall said...

Big squishy hugs, Robbie.

Erica M said...

I'm so sorry, Robbie. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Jenn and Casey said...

I'm so sorry you are having to be on this path. My heart is with you.

Robyn Osborn said...

I am so sorry about your mom. :( It is so hard to deal with a loved ones loss. Big hugs being sent your way!!