Thursday, December 29, 2011

Getting Real: New Year's Resolutions

I googled the top resolutions of the new year and adapted some of them to meet my needs.

Resolutions

1. Lose Weight
Mine: I will gain weight. I don't want to but I will. There's a chance that I might lose some too (I lose everything else-garage door openers, keys, cell phones). I will continue to turn to chips and queso in times of stress. This is one resolution I can't help but meet.



2. Get Organized
MINE: I will become more disorganized. I will continue to lose things at an alarming rate. I will show up on the wrong day for the right thing and on the right day at the wrong place. I am keeping my fingers crossed that a cross country move is in the near future for the monkeys and me. I will misplace immunization records, birth certificates, social security cards and other vital documents. I will however, manage to hold on to my California Driver's License from 1999 (yes the picture is THAT good!) and the Mr. goodcents punch card from the ONE time I ate there in 2006.




3.  Quit Drinking/Drink Less Alcohol
MINE: I will keep drinking. In fact I just might increase it given all the big life changes and stressful events I hope to happen in the near future. Higher threshold is a sign of accomplishment right?




4. Learn something exciting
Mine: It will be exciting if i can learn how to make it thru the day without tears and explosive tantrums (theirs and mine!)



5. Quit Smoking 
Mine: I don't smoke though there are days taking up the crack pipe is quite appealing. I am thinking it might take the edge of this parenting gig.


7 comments:

Carrie said...

Sweet Jesus...it has been quite a while since I've belted out a laugh like a jackass!! And that crack pipe comment DID IT!

We're way too much alike.

I'm totally stealing your list and calling it mine. I'm lazy like that.

You're brilliant!

jacqui said...

I'm glad you're holding on to that Mr. Goodcents punch card. That could be worth something someday.

Barbara said...

LOL! Good list! :)

Kechara said...

I could take this and post it, and except for the moving across the country part and the tantrums from kids part, people would believe I posted it!!

Mama Kat said...

Now THERE is a list I could follow!!

Davina said...

My favorite resolutions list I've seen. Hilarious!

Diane said...

I somehow missed this post last week. You crack me up. I can totally relate to the disorganization and losing things. I'm always saying, "I'd lose my friggin' head if it weren't attached to my body!"