Getting Real: New Year's Resolutions

I googled the top resolutions of the new year and adapted some of them to meet my needs.

Resolutions

1. Lose Weight
Mine: I will gain weight. I don't want to but I will. There's a chance that I might lose some too (I lose everything else-garage door openers, keys, cell phones). I will continue to turn to chips and queso in times of stress. This is one resolution I can't help but meet.

2. Get Organized
MINE: I will become more disorganized. I will continue to lose things at an alarming rate. I will show up on the wrong day for the right thing and on the right day at the wrong place. I am keeping my fingers crossed that a cross country move is in the near future for the monkeys and me. I will misplace immunization records, birth certificates, social security cards and other vital documents. I will however, manage to hold on to my California Driver's License from 1999 (yes the picture is THAT good!) and the Mr. goodcents punch card from the ONE time I ate there in 2006.

3.  Quit Drinking/Drink Less Alcohol
MINE: I will keep drinking. In fact I just might increase it given all the big life changes and stressful events I hope to happen in the near future. Higher threshold is a sign of accomplishment right?

4. Learn something exciting
Mine: It will be exciting if i can learn how to make it thru the day without tears and explosive tantrums (theirs and mine!)

5. Quit Smoking 
Mine: I don't smoke though there are days taking up the crack pipe is quite appealing. I am thinking it might take the edge of this parenting gig.

What I lost....

A more accurate title would be what haven't I lost?

I am a loser of things...all things.  Frequent offenders include my cell phone, car keys, debit cards, mail key, and sunglasses. However anything is game..though I have yet to lose any of the monkeys. I lose  temporarily fail to recall the specific location of certain objects numerous times a day. I misplace things  with such frequency that it has become a way of life for me. There is no point in getting frustrated unless I want to spent my entire life frustrated. Frankly I have enough of that already and no need to add to it.

I don't initially start looking for items because they eventually turn up. I have 2 debit cards and usually one is MIA..could be for a few hours or a few days. No need to get flustered because it is probably in my other jacket pocket/on the dresser/in my other fave pants/on the kitchen counter/next to the computer. You get the idea.

I recently could not recall the exact location of my mp3 player. I last remember it in my Old Navy fleece pocket after a walk around the pond with 2 monkeys.  Well it got a little boring walking at the gym with no music and apparently people who can't sing shouldn't speed walk around the track singing Pour Some Sugar on Me at the top of their lungs.

Either they are as pissed off as I am about the missing mp3 player or they don't like my singing.

I made a feeble attempt to look for it..opened a few important drawers in the kitchen, looked under the seats in the Quest, glanced at the shelves in the garage. Just when I was starting to get annoyed and give up I found my music! Had I taken even a minute to think logically I would have gone directly to the pantry...it was behind the cornbread mix and next to the bag of marshmallows and in front of those onion things you put in green bean casserole. Please don't ask me to explain my uber-complicated pantry organization system. I am waiting on copyright approval and then I just might tell you..if you can find my garage door opener!

Not my actual bag of marshmallows...their beady eyes would disturb me

Other things I have failed to recall the specific location of lost:

1. sanity

2. patience

3. garage door opener-seriously it has been 3 weeks and I already looked in the pantry

4. immunization records, birth certificates, social security cards

5. my 20 30 35 yr old body

6. my girlish charm

7. motivation

What have you lost? Where did you look for it? Did you find it?