Monday, December 26, 2011

Random Activities for Insomniacs

1. Read a book. Remember that all your favorite books are packed up in storage unit. In another state. Wish you had chosen to go to the library last week instead of buying Christmas presents. You would have been so focused on your book you wouldn't have noticed the screams of disappointment when the kids discovered the present-less tree.

2. Creep on  BitchSlap Facebook. Remember why you are becoming more and more disenchanted with it. Realize you were unfriended by someone whose friend request you accepted as a courtesy. Be glad she unfriended you because she has the most pathetic status updates EVER. Remember that friend whose updates you blocked b/c they were braggy Jesus-y & way to0 freaking detailed? (day #2 of vacay, Pioneer Woman's cinammon rolls in the oven, spice rack alphabetized, closets cleaned, freshly bathed adorable well behaved kids playing educational games together without fighting while simultaneously making shoes for kids in Africa.) Spend 2 hours reading those updates. Get more irritated and make a promise to yourself that you will never again be so desperate for something to do that you will read all her updates. Make a mental note to spend New Year's Eve reading all her status updates and looking at her 1109 pictures from the week.

3. Go to Pinterest and decide to be the first person to create a VD board. VALENTINE'S DAY PEOPLE! Be completely underwhelmed by all things VD. Become seriously annoyed by excessive re-pinning of a pathetic pin.

4. Read the local paper online. Look at house porn. Pop on over to Twitter and realize that you really are alone. Wish you were following people on the other side of the world who might be awake and tweeting right now. Even if you didn't speak their native tongue.

5. Get a snack. Be leary of cheeseballs who are past their prime. Briefly wish you hadn't taken a 2 hour nap on Christmas day.

6. Don't even consider climbing back into bed to watch mindless tv, NetFlix and tivo'd shows. You don't want to be the one to blame for a cranky Big Yankee or waking StinkBug the Space Invader who climbed into the big bed just after midnight.

7. Decide to throw caution to the wind...pop open some Albuterol, strap on the fish mask and open up those airways. Wonder wth you still have a persistent smoker's cough after 2 weeks of antibiotics when you are not a smoker.

What do you do when you can't sleep?

1 comment:

Kechara said...

My big one is reading, but that's my big activity a lot of the time. I tend to buy books, both because I reread them over and over and because libraries usually have crappy fantasy sections.

I can also get a LOT of mileage out of staring at the computer screen playing Snood, Minesweeper, or Spider Solitaire!