Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Failing

I use to be a better mother.

More patient.

More tolerant.

More FUN.

I laughed more.

Smiled more.

I was better at being a mom when my kids were younger. I could do the sleepless nights, teething, tantrums, potty training. Give me a biter, a food thrower, a toddler afraid of the bathtub.That stuff is a walk in the park compared to my ten year old.

I don't know if it's because he is ten or because his dad lives 1231 miles away? Maybe it's his intense personality? Is it because of his IQ? He thinks so outside the box and everything comes so easy to him. He has no tolerance for other people's shortcomings. He has to be right and have the last word. EVERY. SIN

I don't know how to be the kind of mom he needs right now. He has eight years left at home. Half his time is done. It feels like this will make or break our relationship. Right now it is breaking. And I don't know if we can fix it.


14 comments:

Sandra said...

Thanks for being so honest and vulnerable. This journey as a parent is SO hard sometimes. My kiddos are younger, so I have no advice or words of wisdom, but just know a fellow mom is thinking of you, knowing that these years are headed my way. Hang in there and keep loving that boy of yours! Thanks for pouring your heart out.

Julia Hunter said...

Thanks for sharing this. I think we all have times when we feel like we could be better moms. Good luck with your son, you've made it 10 years I'm sure you will work through this.
Stopping by from Shell's PYHO

The Mommy Therapy said...

My Mother In Law always tells me that as her children got older the problems were bigger and less clear cut in knowing how to approach them. She says she only survived because she prayed, loved them for exactly who they were, and kept a large wooden stick with her at all times to swat their behinds when they talked back. :)

I'm still stuck in tantrums and dumping rice all over the floor stage of parenting, but I feel that I do know it can all feel hopeless sometimes, but since giving up isn't an option we all do the best we can.

I hope things turn around soon for you and your son, it's not fun to feel that you are being pulled apart. Good luck!

Stopping by from Shell's PYHO

Diane said...

I feel your pain on this one. My 12 and a half year old has been pushing me to the brink for awhile now and I find myself longing for the days when he was still my sweet, little, loving boy.

He has developed this major "everyone is out to get me" attitude lately and we've had issues with dishonesty. We, in fact, had a conference with his teachers this morning. It's hard. I pray. A lot!

Shell said...

Hang in there! You can do this, mama.

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Sorry you're feeling this way. I'm guessing you're an amazing mom who's just tired! I have some similar worries about my oldest. She is much harder than my little ones. Hang in there! You'll get it fixed.

Paula @lkg4sweetspot said...

I have found with my boys that our relationship goes in cycles. Sometimes we are close, sometime distant, but it always cycles around. Hang in there, it will get better. I know it must be really hard with his Dad so far away. Keep praying and telling him you love him, it will get better.

Robbie K said...

Thanks! I am exhausted...mentally and physically drained and hanging by a thread.

Robbie K said...

It is so hard for him w/o Dad around. Glad to know it goes in cycles..and hoping for a good, long one to come our way soon.

Robbie K said...

I'm trying-thanks :)

Robbie K said...

Mine seems to have the "everyone is out to get me/you hate me attitude. Not sure if it is him/his age/our situation.

Any survival tips are appreciated!

Robbie K said...

I do know it can all feel hopeless sometimes, but since giving up isn't an option we all do the best we can.<<EXACTLY


I agree with your MIL..the problems are bigger and more challenging!

Robbie K said...

Thanks for your thoughts! I try to remind myself that when his behavior is the worst he needs love the most.

Robbie K said...

You're right all parents have felt like this at some time or another. Just hoping we make it through the other side..