Monday, April 30, 2012

Drop Off Drama

Dear People Lacking Common Sense,

School has been in session for approximately 8 months (about 160 days for you math wizards) and yet you still find it extremely challenging to follow the drop off rules. They haven't changed and they are really quite simple. I'm going to go ahead and spell it out for you because I'm bitchy considerate like that.   Go ahead and thank me now. I'll wait.

There are three basic options: circle drive, on the side or parking space.

Circle drive is for those families who require red carpet treatment, the ones who want to see and be seen. It's actually a cluster F*** and I would only recommend it to my worst enemy or the overbearing PTA President who corners me to volunteer for EVERY. SINGLE. EVENT. although she doesn't even bother to learn my first name. Rules DO NOT apply to any of these people. Sure the sign says "pull forward before unloading" but that is for EVERYONE ELSE. It does not, in fact, apply to the special people. I'm guessing they are literate since many of them have "clever" personalized license plates.

These are the people who show up 50 minutes early to secure THEIR SPOT for pick up. Rumor has it, they are offering the principal perks for reserved parking.  Seriously, do these people have nothing better to do? They park (despite the signs that state otherwise). They stretch their long legs, point their well manicured toes and lean up against their squeaky clean Hummers and convertibles. They toss their hair and whip out their glitzed up iphone. These are THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE...if only in their own mind. I learned years ago that I am not circle drive material.

On the side is for the no nonsense "git 'er done" crowd. It's the least complicated of the three choices..or at least it should be. These are the people with jobs that require pants. They have places to go and people to see...a time clock to punch or a meeting to lead. Or maybe they just need to get home to mainline Coca-Cola and tweet. I don't judge. Wait a second, of course I judge! That's the purpose of this post. Perhaps they have children who attend multiple schools or a Scentsy order to place or maybe they value independent children. For whatever the reason, these good people pull up to the side, their children hop out of the vehicle and everyone is on their merry way. No drama for these mamas.

Ahh, dear sweet parking lot people. I've reserved a special place in hell umm, I mean the parking lot for you. This is for the parent who spent all night helping creating her daughter's first grade research project (about puppies) complete with brochures and a kiosk. This is the parent who volunteers from 8:00 to 3:17 EVERY. DAY. She would stay until 3:20 but administration created some ridiculous rule not allowing parents to volunteer in their child's classroom the ENTIRE day. Some absurd mumbo jumbo about it being disruptive. Who can't collate, staple, stuff Thursday folders, laminate and trace with a "darling" child velcroed to their leg while crying and screaming and refusing to participate in reading groups?

Please review and select the option that best meets your needs.

I'm begging you.



Shell said...

Pick up makes me crazy- though drop off is usually pretty drama free.

It'e enough to make me want my kids to ride the bus.

@dkotucker said...

LOVE IT!!! Thank goodness I don't have a vanity plate. HA! I'm more of an Option 2 kinda gal although on occasion I've showed up early to try and grab a few zzz's. :D

Robbie K said...

I'm a parking lot gal for pick-up as it is much less hassle. I would do anything for a drama free drop off!

Robbie K said...

In case you couldn't tell I'm an on the sider/option #2 myself!

Treading Water in the Kiddie Pool said...

It sounds like our kids attend the exact same school (despite the fact that I know we live nowhere near each other). Love the license plates!

Diane said...

Bwa Ha! These are so true. The people that get there in order to sit in their flippin' cars and wait for an hour boggle my mind. What in the h-e-double hockey sticks are they doing in their cars all that time?! I swear it's like they're in some sort of competition to see who can get that number one spot. INSANE!

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Thank goodness for the public school bus system! I can't handle the car pick up/drop off drama. I will pick up my girls 30 mins earlier or drop them off later to avoid it, need be. We're not going to the Emmys...we're going to school.
This made me laugh! Happy to be back online. Missed you!

CandGsMom said...

Hahaha! Oh how I dread those days but I know they are coming! I'll be sure to let you know when they do so you can send me a bottle of vodka =)

Anna said...

I was thinking all of these same things this morning at drop off. Why is it so hard for these people to follow directions? I wonder if they make their kids follow directions?