Drop Off Drama

Dear People Lacking Common Sense,

School has been in session for approximately 8 months (about 160 days for you math wizards) and yet you still find it extremely challenging to follow the drop off rules. They haven't changed and they are really quite simple. I'm going to go ahead and spell it out for you because I'm bitchy considerate like that.   Go ahead and thank me now. I'll wait.

There are three basic options: circle drive, on the side or parking space.

OPTION 1:
Circle drive is for those families who require red carpet treatment, the ones who want to see and be seen. It's actually a cluster F*** and I would only recommend it to my worst enemy or the overbearing PTA President who corners me to volunteer for EVERY. SINGLE. EVENT. although she doesn't even bother to learn my first name. Rules DO NOT apply to any of these people. Sure the sign says "pull forward before unloading" but that is for EVERYONE ELSE. It does not, in fact, apply to the special people. I'm guessing they are literate since many of them have "clever" personalized license plates.

These are the people who show up 50 minutes early to secure THEIR SPOT for pick up. Rumor has it, they are offering the principal perks for reserved parking.  Seriously, do these people have nothing better to do? They park (despite the signs that state otherwise). They stretch their long legs, point their well manicured toes and lean up against their squeaky clean Hummers and convertibles. They toss their hair and whip out their glitzed up iphone. These are THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE...if only in their own mind. I learned years ago that I am not circle drive material.

OPTION 2: 

On the side is for the no nonsense "git 'er done" crowd. It's the least complicated of the three choices..or at least it should be. These are the people with jobs that require pants. They have places to go and people to see...a time clock to punch or a meeting to lead. Or maybe they just need to get home to mainline Coca-Cola and tweet. I don't judge. Wait a second, of course I judge! That's the purpose of this post. Perhaps they have children who attend multiple schools or a Scentsy order to place or maybe they value independent children. For whatever the reason, these good people pull up to the side, their children hop out of the vehicle and everyone is on their merry way. No drama for these mamas.

OPTION 3:

Ahh, dear sweet parking lot people. I've reserved a special place in hell umm, I mean the parking lot for you. This is for the parent who spent all night helping creating her daughter's first grade research project (about puppies) complete with brochures and a kiosk. This is the parent who volunteers from 8:00 to 3:17 EVERY. DAY. She would stay until 3:20 but administration created some ridiculous rule not allowing parents to volunteer in their child's classroom the ENTIRE day. Some absurd mumbo jumbo about it being disruptive. Who can't collate, staple, stuff Thursday folders, laminate and trace with a "darling" child velcroed to their leg while crying and screaming and refusing to participate in reading groups?

Please review and select the option that best meets your needs.

I'm begging you.

Sincerely,

Robbie