I am shocked it took me this long to figure things out. To realize what is missing in my life.
Our cross country move was a mixed blessing. It was heartbreaking and difficult to leave our friends and family behind, but to be reunited as a family was amazing. It felt like we were finally putting the pieces of the puzzle back together. The first few weeks were spent unpacking, exploring and navigating life with two parents. I've been doing it alone for so long it was both a relief and a challenge to share the day to day parenting.
After the novelty of being together and being in a new place wore off we have just been getting by. We haven't met anyone and it is DESPERATELY lonely. I'm sick of fighting the kids to sign up for art class, or Lego Robotics or day camp or even to go to the mall. It's not worth the drama. It seems they are dead set on being homebodies.
I'm working but since our program is just getting off the ground I don't have many responsibilities. Most of what I do is extremely flexible, with no deadlines so I sit around in my pjs reading curriculum at midnight.
Right now, I rarely have to go to my office and if I do it's usually whenever I feel like going in. I'm use to being in a classroom of twenty-two at-risk three to five year olds where there was never a dull moment, where I only sat during circle time and lunch. If I was lucky everyone napped, there weren't any pod meetings and I might have the chance to write anecdotal notes and complete developmental assessments. So this, what I'm doing right now, it doesn't feel like work to me.
I am in desperate need of a sense of purpose and a sense of accomplishment. Now that I know what I'm looking for how do I find it?