Thursday, July 26, 2012

Lacking

I am shocked it took me this long to figure things out. To realize what is missing in my life.

Our cross country move was a mixed blessing. It was heartbreaking and difficult to leave our friends and family behind, but to be reunited as a family was amazing. It felt like we were finally putting the pieces of the puzzle back together. The first few weeks were spent unpacking, exploring and navigating life with two parents. I've been doing it alone for so long it was both a relief and a challenge to share the day to day parenting.

After the novelty of being together and being in a new place wore off we have just been getting by. We haven't met anyone and it is DESPERATELY lonely. I'm sick of fighting the kids to sign up for art class, or Lego Robotics or day camp or even to go to the mall. It's not worth the drama. It seems they are dead set on being homebodies.

I'm working but since our program is just getting off the ground I don't have many responsibilities.  Most of what I do is extremely flexible, with no deadlines so I sit around in my pjs reading curriculum at midnight.

Right now, I rarely have to go to my office and if I do it's usually whenever I feel like going in. I'm use to being in a classroom of twenty-two at-risk three to five year olds where there was never a dull moment, where I only sat during circle time and lunch. If I was lucky everyone napped, there weren't any pod meetings and I might have the chance to write anecdotal notes and complete developmental assessments. So this, what I'm doing right now, it doesn't feel like work to me.

I am in desperate need of a sense of purpose and a sense of accomplishment. Now that I know what I'm looking for how do I find it?




13 comments:

@dkotucker said...

Hey Robbie,

It has been such a whirlwind 2 months for you and your family not to mention the year and a half prior to that. Such major adjustments for all of you.

I have no wise words for you as I have never been in your shoes. Just know that from my point of view what you are doing is very purposeful and you accomplishing a lot even though you may not feel like it.

Everything will fall into place now that you are all together. Be patient with yourself because you deserve it girl!

"Flip Flop" forever...Diane

Jennifer Gills said...

Sorry you're still feeling out of sorts, but I'm glad you've identified the issue. I'm hoping that once your kids are in school and your job heats up your life will feel busy with purpose again. And I feel for your kiddos too. Really hoping they meet lots of nice friends and join fun activities in school. When does school start for them?

Erin said...

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way :( I understand what you mean about always feeling the need to be busy, I teach 1st grade. Hopefully, in time things will come together. Change is always difficult!

Fritter said...

Hm. For me? I would probably make some kind of drastic change. Start looking around at something totally different. I know when I return to the work force I have ZERO interest returning to the public school system. I might look into a local literacy org. Or possibly the United Way. Think big. Don't be afraid. You never know what you might stumble onto next.

Mamarific said...

I hope things settle down for you...maybe just take one day at a time and keep pushing forward. Hugs!

Christine said...

Moving and settling in is so hard!! I totally feel for you and I get that about the kids too. My boys are definitely homebodies and it's impossible to get them out and about doing things and it's not like we've moved! I wish you the best. Hopefully, once your job starts to ramp up, things will start picking up.

Robbie K said...

Thanks so much for your supportive, sweet words. I just feel like I am floundering and wasting time. I've been functioning at warp speed for so long I don't know how to do nothing, KWIM?

Robbie K said...

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts. Kids don't start school until September and I hope they meet some friends too. I think part of my problem is that I crave routine right now.

Robbie K said...

I've always said teachers-especially those who teach young children don't know how to sit still and do nothing. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern with work but I know it will pick up soon once we get more families enrolled.

Robbie K said...

Funny you should mention drastic change b/c I have been thinking about going back to school. I love my new job-or I will once we are up and running. I'm a parent educator & our target population is teen moms.

Robbie K said...

Thanks. I am trying to pick a few things each day to accomplish..even if they are minor. I also started my walking program again and am feeling a little bit better.

Robbie K said...

Thank you. I think I'm just getting impatient. You're right once things get a little busier I will feel better.

Shell said...

That's a good step- to figure out what it is that you want. Hope you can figure out a way to get it!