I'm scared.
My mom is sick and I'm afraid this will be her last Christmas. She's been sick for awhile. Smoking for fifty years doesn't make for a long life. People don't recover from COPD. There are ways to delay the progression but there is no cure. She is on oxygen twenty four hours a day.
She is shrinking before our very eyes. On a good day she weighs in at eighty eight pounds.
I'm scared my kids will remember the frail, white haired lady in the recliner attached to the oxygen tank.
I am scared they won't remember the woman who raced thru the sprinklers with them three times a day when she visited our California house.
I am scared they won't remember the spunky lady who set up little orange cones and taught them how to play soccer.
I am scared they won't remember the Gran who walked with them trhu neighborhoods for hours on end. The one who sat down on the middle of the sidewalk with them to get a closer look at the ants as they worked.
I am scared Einstein won't remember the one who took him to Baskin Robbins every day when she took care of us after his little sister made her dramatic appearance into the world.
I am scared they won't remember the one who held their hand and climbed to the very top of the big slide with them. That they won't remember holding hands and going down side by side.
I am scared there won't be enough time to make more memories.
My mom is sick and I'm afraid this will be her last Christmas. She's been sick for awhile. Smoking for fifty years doesn't make for a long life. People don't recover from COPD. There are ways to delay the progression but there is no cure. She is on oxygen twenty four hours a day.
She is shrinking before our very eyes. On a good day she weighs in at eighty eight pounds.
I'm scared my kids will remember the frail, white haired lady in the recliner attached to the oxygen tank.
I am scared they won't remember the woman who raced thru the sprinklers with them three times a day when she visited our California house.
I am scared they won't remember the spunky lady who set up little orange cones and taught them how to play soccer.
I am scared they won't remember the Gran who walked with them trhu neighborhoods for hours on end. The one who sat down on the middle of the sidewalk with them to get a closer look at the ants as they worked.
I am scared Einstein won't remember the one who took him to Baskin Robbins every day when she took care of us after his little sister made her dramatic appearance into the world.
I am scared they won't remember the one who held their hand and climbed to the very top of the big slide with them. That they won't remember holding hands and going down side by side.
I am scared there won't be enough time to make more memories.
Linking up with Shell
17 comments:
What a tough thing to have to go through. Hopefully you can help your kids remember the better times.
I'm so sorry - that is so tough. My grandmother is nearly 100 and I'm so anxious for my kids to remember her. It may happen and it may not. I take a heck of a lot of photos and I write down stories that I'll share with them one day.
I definitely need to take more pictures but we live so far away and it's hard. I want to write down her stories so I can remember them too.
Talk with you kids about their Gran. Remind them of the person who did all those things with them. Help them make the correlation between that person and person who is sick now. It might help? (hugs)
oh Robbie. this hurt to read. my grandmother passed end of March and the last several months of her life was the hardest thing I've ever endured. :( I'm SO sorry.
This is a very touching post. I'm so sorry you have that sadness, and those worries. Watching someone fade like that is misery.
My parents are long-time smokers and I dread what the future holds. I already watched my grandpa suffocate with emphysema.
It's hard not to have the end replace all the years of memories, but old photo albums and reminiscing can help. Good luck...
Oh Robbie, that's so hard. My grandmother died the week before I graduated high school. As her only granddaughter, we spent countless hours together doing many of the things you wrote about. But even where the specifics of the memories have faded, I know each of those moments is imprinted on my soul and will never fade away, even if I can't bring them up on command.
So sorry you are facing this. I know your kids will remember all the good things, as it sounds like there were so many!
Oh Robbie. So hard. (((HUGS)))
Thank you all for your ideas and words of support. It means so much.
It is a tough thing to go through. My aunt recently died after a long battle with lung cancer. Her husband, my uncle, followed a few months later after a long battle with Parkinson's. These diseases change the person. I'm sad my husband never got to know my uncle pre-Parkinson's. He was a different man. However, he knew his heart. Until then, I will pull out video and pictures to show him why I loved my aunt and uncle so much.
I'm so sorry. This will be our second Christmas without my father - in law, my wife's dad and it will still be very difficult. Treasure each moment. Hug her harder than ever.and hang in there and take care of your emotions.
Oh Robbie. My heart hurts reading this. If you talk to your kids about their Gran, like others have said, maybe that will help them remember her for her spirit. Pictures of the past really help too I think.
@Christina I remember your heart wrenching posts about your Oma. Raw and honest. Thanks for your thoughts.
@Trigirl We try to call each week and have the kids talk to her and we spent 2 weeks visiting her this summer. I can only hope there will be time for more visit.
I'm certain your kids will remember. Perhaps not if you were to ask them to make a list, or sit down and write all of those good things out. But it will happen, someday when they least expect, a memory will trigger and take them back. That's sort of the way with memories. They tend to show up when you really need them. :)
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's so hard and especially when there's distance to contend with. Your kids will remember. I lost relatives when I was young and I remember them. Hugs to you.
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