Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dear Street Parking Neighbor

Yes YOU!

I have tried to take the high road, allowing you time to acclimate to your new home (even though it has been FIVE FREAKING MONTHS) before I said something about you parking in the street EVERY. DAMN. DAY. 

Did you notice that large square shaped structure at the end of your driveway? It's called a garage. Shall we say it together? A little slower...attached G-a-r-a-g-e! In our neighborhood we park our vehicles inside of our garages. 

See that hugemongous slab of cement leading up to the structure for storing cars, trucks, crotch rockets and other modes of transportation? That my friend, is called a driveway. It is another parking option available to you and your crapload of vehicles .

Remember when you were house hunting and had your MUST HAVE list? I hate break it to you, but you obviously needed more than a two car garage for your big ass boat (really in the landlocked state of Kansas you gotta have a boat?) gigantifuckingnormous shiny black truck on steroids, stickered up Honda (though at least if you are going to pretend it is a race car and put number stickers on the side you picked one of my fave numbers of all time-43!), newly acquired work truck with ladders and tools and lots o' crap.

Perhaps you forgot that you now live in one of THOSE neighborhoods...the kind that has a Home Owners Association. The kind of neighborhood that has rules. The purpose of said rules is to maintain the look and feel of our area...and keep property values high.

These rules include NO STREET PARKING! 

Have you noticed that you are THE ONLY ONE in our subdivision using the street as a parking lot? It is annoying and trashy.

And what I REALLY don't understand is why you don't at least pull in the driveway since it is empty most of the day. I am trying to sell my house and you are really pissing me off. 

Let this be your DO NOT want me as your pissed off neighbor. Hell hath no fury like a pi$$ed off, unemployed lady trying to sell her damn house! I have alerted the HOA and if the issue isn't resolved immediately I will be taking matters into my own hands.

Anywho, just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood!


P.S. Please do not ask to borrow an egg. We are lacto-vegetarians. ARE TOO!

**This was originally published November 17, 2011 when my blog was just a baby. I am sharing again as part of NaBloPoMo.



Anonymous said...

One of the things we've hated about the house we are currently renting is its shared driveway. The neighbors we share with are nice enough. We each only have a one-car garage for the two vehicles we each own. However, the neighbors don't park their minivan in the garage because they use it for storage. That means we have to carefully maneuver out past it every time we go somewhere. The driveway has stone blocks that my husband almost always runs over when he backs out. Plus, don't even get me started about how bad it is when it snows.
Soon, we'll move to our new place with the two-car garage. Huzzah!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

We have that neighbor too. It seems like there is always one neighbor with the stray dog that runs around going on everyone's lawn and one inconsiderate parker, oh and one house that is the loud party house, and don't forget the barking dog at all hours house. Sheesh! It's a wonder more people don't stab their neighbors. I'm very much a live and let live person, but sometimes it just gets out of hand and you have to say something. I've found that a nicely worded anonymous note really has more impact than you would think. Peer pressure is a very powerful tool.