Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Cruel & Unusual Punishment?

The monkeys woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Hell, they woke up on the wrong side of the WORLD!

I tried to be extra patient and kind...gave them a few more minutes in bed, poured their cereal and milk. Apparently that wasn't good enough.

It seems they were determined to have a shitty day and to ruin the day of those around them.

Einstein (10) came out griping and yelling how he "couldn't brush his hair because SOMEONE (looking directly at me) didn't put the brush back!"

Never mind that I have naturally curly hair and NEVER, EVER use a brush. (Lest you think I run around looking like a frazzled cave woman, I do use a hair pick.)

Meanwhile, Peanut (8) is stomping and screaming at me because I "am making her wear a shirt that is too big!"

Never mind that to any other human being it would be a perfect fit. She demanded that I come to her room and find her something else to wear. I told her to pick out ANY OTHER hot pink shirt in her closet (of which she has many).

Nope still not good enough.

I don't care if she ends up wearing some crazy, mismatched outfit to school. The teachers will know it is of her own doing.

By this time my patience is wearing thin. She continues to scream from her bedroom "but I don't know what to wear!" I tell her to wear ANYTHING else in her closet. A -N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

"You NEVER help me! You NEVER do anything for me!" She shouts.

Meanwhile, Einstein informs me "I wish Daddy was here. You NEVER HELP us! You NEVER do anything!"

I am thinking who the hell picked you up from school, made dinner, washed your clothes, read with you, helped you with your homework, drove you to pottery class, led a Brownie meeting, talked to the neighborhood tormentor?

I told him I too wished Daddy was here so I would have some help. So I wouldn't have to do everything.

"EVERYTHING? don't do anything." He says glaring at me while his sister shrieks and stomps and we can feel the floor vibrating from the next room.

And that there folks, that was the camel breaker.


"You better get moving since you are walking to school today." I say in the calmest, most detached tone I can muster.

You can only imagine how well this went over.

"You can't seriously expect us to walk to school? We're going to be late AGAIN! It's cold! You HAVE TO take us."

No, no I don't have to drive people who are rude and blaming me for everything. A ride to school is a privilege not a right.

Einstein starts pleading me with, then stomping and yelling, telling his sister to hurry up, what an awful mom I am for making them walk to school.

Stinkbug (4) is woken up by all the drama. He is pissed that I am not driving them to school and throws himself on the floor crying, "But I like taking them to school! We HAVE to take them to school!"

Everyone in the house is crying, stomping, screaming. Good times I tell ya!

I overhear a brief plan of them calling the police on me. Then they decide they will just TELL me they are calling the police.

Einstein is trying to wait on Peanut and is even offering to help her. I thank him for it but I am still not playing taxi driver to rude, insolent children.

As they scurry out the door I tell them to have a good day.

And then I pop open my can of coke. It can only go up from here right?

How would you have handled it?


The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

If they could walk to school from our house...I would have sent my 9.5 yr old daughter out with her most uncomfortable walking shoes! Yes, you read that right...UNcomfortable. I would want her to feel the pain that she brings me every morning just because she has turned into a SASSafrass (as I call her).

Robbie K said...

I am glad I'm not the only one dealing with this! Certainly it has to get better right?

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

One would hope...but I hear we are always a work in progress to our parents!

Cristy S said...

I know I am a little late posting this. I just started reading your blog from the beginning after finding you via the 31 day blog challenge. My daughter also has these days. I just remind her that she is perfectly capable of doing her own laundry, dinner, and cleaning if she chooses to do so. And by reminding its usually in a really loud voice. If we were closer to school, I would make her walk some mornings.