Saturday, October 8, 2011

In a Funk

I'm not in good shape physically or mentally. And I just don't know how to snap out of it. I have a very hard time falling asleep-and staying asleep. This has been going on for the better part of a year. I take OTC sleep meds....probably more than I should. But Momma needs SLEEP! Some days I barely get through as it is so I can't imagine what kind of shape I would be in with no sleep.

When all of this started I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was quite a long tunnel and the light wasn't all that bright but at least it was there. Now it's more like a cheap ass lighter someone flicks on and off desperately trying to light that lousy cigarette butt they found after scrounging in the bottom of the ashtray. I am trying to hang on but every moment of every day my grip keeps slipping.

In the past year my husband and I have lived under the same roof for all of 10 weeks. Lay offs and shitty economy got us where we are. For 7 1/2 months he was able to come back and forth on the weekends. It wasn't all rainbows and butterflies but we managed. I never imagined we would be doing this for more than a year. In August he found a great job doing something he loves and brings home a decent paycheck. Unfortunately said job is 20 hours away. We haven't seen him in 2 months. He will be here next week for four days. And all I can think about is how hard it is going to be to say goodbye again. Nor knowing when we will see each other again or when we will live together as a family of 5.

I don't want to feel like this. How do you snap out of it?


The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Oh my goodness! How in the world are you not in a funk?! I would be too! I hope you guys can shut away the world and maybe even the kids for a bit when he comes home. Try to live in the moment of the visit and not fast forward to the goodbye that you already know is coming.

Robbie K said...

Thanks :) I am really trying to remember to appreciate the moment before it is gone.