Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Marriage is Scary

Marriage is hard. Extremely hard.

It's not all pretty.

In fact, it can get pretty ugly at times.

I found this quote which pretty much sums it up:

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
                                                                                                                                ~ Doug Larson


Big Yankee and I are on our 13th year of happily ever after. Yeah, lucky 13. Looking back over the years we've had some of the better and some of the worse. These last four years-they feel like someone trucked in an oversize load of worse and dumped it on us.

We are making it...barely at times. Struggling to communicate across thousands of miles through texts, phone calls and an occasional email. Trying to share the burdens that can't really be transported across time and space.

Both of us trying to give to the other when we are sucked bone dry. Both of us are scared shitless of the what ifs-what if our house doesn't sell? what if my unemployment runs out before we move? what if it happens again? what if? Wondering how much longer our family will survive this kind of life without breaking in two...or two thousand pieces.

And then I feel guilty and selfish for feeling this way. Separations are a way of life for military families. And they have the added stress of putting their lives on the line.


13 comments:

Helene said...

That quote is SO true, isn't it? Marriage is super hard and honestly there are days when I wonder if I would've wanted to get married if someone had enlightened me about how much work it is.

Congratulations on making it to Year 13. That's HUGE in today's world!

Where is the ME in Mommy? said...

Ug--marriage is so hard! I remember getting into it thinking, "this will be a piece of cake." No one told me you have to work at it. That you have to cry through it. That sometimes you feel lonely--like strangers. That sometimes you feel suffocated. But in the end, the distance, the arguments, the disappointments--well, they pale in comparison to the resounding joy, peace, and pleasure I get from my husband. Sometimes the better is after the worse.

Diane said...

What a great quote and so true.

It's sad that so many aren't willing to stick it out through the bad times...

Hope things smooth out soon.

Boy's Mom said...

I live this two, but not on your extreme. Mine is gone 4 days a week and on those days we hardly talk, and then weekends are crammed full of stuff to do. It's hard. And I've wanted to give up many times, and I know he has too. But we're fighting through it to make it work. Hang in there.

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

I don't like to put this in my posts but my husband is on travel A LOT! We do get him home most weekends and I am thankful for that but I still have down days. It is hard to keep it all running let alone running smoothly. Just remember, it is work and it is a committment...for all of you.
You will see the flowers after the rain! I believe that! xo!

Shell said...

Marriage is SO hard sometimes. I hope you get through this patch!

Robbie K said...

People definitely don't tell you how hard it is to make a marriage work. I wonder why that is?

Robbie K said...

I love the quote too! I think things will smooth out once we are living under the same roof.

Robbie K said...

Glad to know there are others fighting through it. With the time difference, his work schedule and the timing of dinner, homework, bath drama it is difficult to take the time to talk to each other.

Robbie K said...

Thanks :)

I use to look at my friends whose husbands traveled for work or who had lots of after hour work obligations..meeting with clients etc. and wondered how they managed. Big Yankee never traveled for more than a few days for work and very infrequently. If anything this experience has taught us to much more appreciative of each other and realize how hard we are willing to work to make it work. :)

Robbie K said...

It definitely isn't for the slackers :)

I am sure we will get through this and be stronger for it.

THE SARCASM GODDESS said...

I can't imagine how difficult that must be. That quote is so true. Hoping the worse ends and the better comes soon. Hang in there, love each other, and you'll get through.

{{hugs}}

Robbie K said...

Thanks for your kind words. The best is yet to be....or so I am hoping.