Thursday, July 24, 2014

Afraid

Once upon a time, a great many years ago I started a blog. This Blog to be exact. My life was turned upside down and I felt like I was going to explode and I didn't want to talk about it so I wrote. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. And although I had been on Twitter for awhile I finally GOT IT. I discovered the most amazing blogs, and wonderful people and I didn't feel as utterly lost and disconnected. When I first started I wrote EVERY SINGLE DAY. I could not NOT write. There were even times I posted twice a day. It helped me maintain my sanity and it gave me something to look forward to as I tried to sell our house and raise our kids and maintain a marriage when Big Yankee lived 1231 miles away.

Somewhere along the way the omnipotent Blogging People said not to write every day. They said writing and posting less often would actually increase blog traffic. I gave it a whirl though I kept writing daily and had a bulging drafts folder. It was rare that I was at a loss for words. Then life-and death happened and I have written very little these last months. I want nothing more than to write it all out but I am afraid. I am afraid to open the floodgates. I am afraid of falling apart and not being able to put myself back together again. I am afraid that once I start crying I will never stop. But I owe it to myself and my mom to get thru this. And I will. 


Have you ever been afraid to write? How did you get thru it?

4 comments:

christina said...

oh Robbie.
i know it's hard. i've only lost my grandmother, but we were really close and i was there the moment she passed, so i really do know it's hard. but. in time. it will be a bit "easier" and you'll be glad you have the writings to look back on. at least that's the case for me.
huge, HUGE hugs to you.

@dkotucker said...

Ditto. Glad to see you are starting back on the blogging path. Hopefully I will be right behind you. :)

(((HUGS))) friend!

cynk said...

I hope that writing becomes a way to honor your mom, to grieve and to heal.

Robbie K said...

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and support. I sent the last month of her life caring for her and was there when she passed too. I was writing in my head the entire time but I didn't want to miss even one second with her.