Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Best Day Ever

Sunday was PERFECT. The birds were chirping, the world covered in rainbows, unicorns were galloping among the marshmallow fluff clouds and Hereshey's special dark chocolates were cascading from the magnificent blue sky and landing directly in my mouth.

When I woke up on Sunday morning Peanut was making her bed and Einstein was scrubbing the walls. My first thought,"who the hell are these people and can I keep them?"

Getting the house perfectly staged for a showing took mere minutes instead of the hours I had planned. The children were clean, cooperative and ready to go when the time came. We decided to eat lunch at Olive Garden (thanks to the generous gift card corporate sent me after our hellacious dining experience on StinkBug's 5th birthday).

The parking lot was practically vacant and we thought it might not be open yet. We were heathens trying to beat the after church enthusiasts. The friendly hostess led us to a booth in a prime location and StinkBug was in awe of the nearby fireplace. The food was mouthwatering, the service was impeccable. The actors playing my unruly, sarcastic, children were Oscar worthy performers. We skipped to the van hand in hand, as if we were romping through the Austria in the Sound of Music. Tears well up in my eyes at the memory of such bliss.

We arrived home and they played together...fishing in the pond, weaving a basket with vines found in the Hidden Valley (not the ranch dressing). There was something involving a tree that I probably should have paid more attention to. This would come back to haunt me later.

After romping in the great outdoors for a few hours we loaded up and headed to see The Lorax. There was no line for tickets, plenty of seating and the $17 #2 combo was a mere $6. WINNING again! As we drove home, reenacting our favorite movie lines, Einstein pointed out Baskin Robbins.

If you know me at all, you know that Baskin Robbins Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream is my ecstasy with a little pink spoon. I may have gotten a little caught up in all the "it's the BEST DAY EVER!" declarations. I may have become addicted to the recognition. I may have been blinded by the ice cream. All I know is I slammed on the brakes and whipped into a parking space like a Nascar driver during a pit stop.



All of this perfection came to a screeching halt at 11:47 pm when I was jolted from my sleep by the sounds of a gagging, puking child. Racing down the hall to their rooms I skidded to a halt when the stench directed me to pick door # 1. Einstein was perched on the top bunk with his lanky legs hanging over the railings as vomit spewed across the room. Clearly, he was still half asleep as I shoved a bowl in front of him to catch the flying chunks of our perfect day.

After cleaning him (and the chunks) up and starting a load of laundry I stumbled back to bed, hoping to find sleep once more. I slept in 30 minute increments and stumbled down the hall to bring him a cold washcloth and check for flying chunks.

I was in a deep slumber..drool and all at 5 am.

 "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. MOMMY!" She whisper yells as she takes the pillow off my head.

"My hand was itching and itching so I scratched and scratched and it still itched so I went to the bathroom and I have bumps all over me."

I bolted up once more and staggered to the bathroom to get a closer look. Underneath her green monkey footed pajamas, Peanut was COVERED in a rash of round red welts.

"Maybe I shouldn't have drank the water from that tree? Do you think I could be allergic to it?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?" (My mom of the year response)

"You know, me and Einstein extracted some water from that birch tree in the front yard and I drank it."

I told you that tree thing would come back to haunt me.


34 comments:

@dkotucker said...

Sounds like you had THE perfect day!!! Evening and early morning...not so much. :(

christina said...

oh i really loved this post... up till the chunks. ;)
and NOTHING surpasses peanut butter n chocolate ice cream! :)

Kerstin said...

Juice from a tree. That's priceless! I'm glad there are no birch trees in my yard :)

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Not puke! Anything but puke! I've never been good at handling it. One time when Bean was two, she threw up in her carseat while I was driving and from the smell, I threw up. It was awful. I had to pay to have the car cleaned because I couldn't deal with it. Hope everyone is feeling better.

Jen said...

Oh good lord! It's just not fair that the day had to end in puke. Your husband owes you big time. How long did the tree juice bumps last?

January Dawn said...

What a great day before the blowing chunks part of it...and the rash part of it! Gah. I can't handle the vomit!!! Hope your week gets better!

Robbie K said...

luckily the very good day earlier made it a little easier to cope with the crap....

Robbie K said...

Is it the best isn't it? THE only ice cream I will eat!

Robbie K said...

I spent much of my life as a sympathy puker...when I was preggo if I even thought about puking then out it came. Somehow once they were outside my body I managed to deal with it much better.

Robbie K said...

Tree juice bumps are still there....

Robbie K said...

Who knew you could get water from a birch tree? At least the kids will survive in the wilderness.

Robbie K said...

It was a fantastic day and the kids kept saying over and over "this is the best day ever! You are the best mom ever!" so I kinda went overboard...the smell of vomit was worse for me than the actual vomit.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

The Universe likes to balance things out, doesn't it?

Hope the kids are better!

Kristin said...

With great joy comes great misery. (My adjustment of Spiderman's *great power* mantra.) And isn't there always something "I should have paid closer attention to" somewhere? Great story of a wonderful day with a less-than-perfect ending.

Miranda said...

I'm simply amazed that your kids were able to extract water from a tree. Sounds like a science experiment of some sort. Sorry that you great day ended so badly!

Stephanie B. @B4Steph said...

Hilarious post. At least for me, not so much for you, through the night. Extracting water from a tree...wow, got to credit their scientific endeavor. How did they even do that? Like tapping maple trees? The real thing I'm fixated on, however, is the chocolate peanut butter ice cream. My all time favorite! I'm off to the store!

Jennifer Gilbart said...

Oh no! I hope your kids got better quickly. How the heck did they get water from a tree anyway?

Marta said...

So close to being the perfect day, they couldn't wait 13 more minutes until midnight!

So lorax was good? Contemplating taking my 5 year old!

Stacey said...

Middle of the night puke is the WORST. Hope everyone is feeling better now!

Robbie K said...

Yes & it seems like the universe is out to get me!

The kids are feeling better...thanks.

Robbie K said...

I like your altered mantra!

Robbie K said...

My kids are constantly conducting experiments which would lead one to believe that mom should be paying more attention! :)

Robbie K said...

Again I forget to ask about the details..I actually have NO idea how they extracted the water.

Robbie K said...

I know..couldn't we have started the spewing on Monday! Lorax was very cute! My 5 yr old loved it. He had been watching all the previews for it on youtube and repeated a lot of lines during the movie.

Robbie K said...

It was made worse by the fact that I had just barely dozed off to sleep. All are well now thanks!

Stephanie Sikorski said...

Once my son in the top bunk puked on my son in the bottom bunk.

oh dear Lord the smell ...

KimP said...

I'm sorry did you say Peanut Butter Chocolate ice cream?

~The G is Silent

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

Every good deed deserves some just punishment. You know what your awesome story proves: There is no such thing as perfect. What a wonderful revelation. Thanks for the insight and the laugh. Erin

Heidi said...

Oh no! And it was all going so well!
I hope they're feeling better.:)

Robbie K said...

Oh that would be major suckage! I remember sleeping on the top bunk and being afraid I would puke all over my sister so I rolled the other way and puked on the wall instead...

Robbie K said...

Pure bliss I tell you!

Robbie K said...

lol...yes definitely no such thing as perfect :)

Robbie K said...

Yes they all recovered quite well to the point where I regretted keeping them home from school...

AnnMarie said...

Oh yuck! I hate puke! Of all the mothering things we have to do, cleaning up puke and tending to a puking child is still one I haven't mastered. The rest of your day sounds like Heaven, though. Glad you got to experience that part.