Sunday, February 24, 2013


This roller coaster started with the callback and I worried about something more and then I was relieved.

I slip my right arm out of the top as Olga pushes buttons and looks at screens.

She doesn't make small talk and wants confirmation that I am not pregnant.

She hands me a clipboard and says sign here.

I check the boxes.

No I am not breastfeeding.

No I am not pregnant.

She lifts and shifts and positions me just so.

My hair is in the way and it will show.

Searching the depths of my gigantic black purse for a hair clip.

Twisting my too long curls and clipping it out of the way.

Does Olga even notice?

Don't breathe she says.

My eyes shift upwards to the window arch -admiring the dark stain of the wood.

Trying not to think about why I am here.

Time stands still and yet twenty minutes have passed.

We're done she says.

Don't change in case we need to do an ultrasound.

I grab the door handle, pausing for a minute to remember which way to go.

Why do I always get turned around inside, outside and everywhere?

You'll know something today she says quietly.

You'll know something very soon.

Sitting at the cool grid today with Yeah Write moonshine


Amanda said...

I wish you all the best. I don't know your whole story, but I definitely related to the feelings in this post -- the worrying, the wishing things were simpler. I pray you find some peace.

Fritter said...

I am worried about you. :( WIll try to catch up to you soon.

Your Doctor's Wife said...

Ugh. I had to have one for reasons other than "normal" check up. The waiting is the worst. I'll be praying yours turn out like mine... normal!

Wendy said...

Did you get your results??

Adrienne said...

I hate the doctor's office. Waiting for results for this kind of stuff is so scary. I hope the results were what you wanted.

Kristen Daukas said...

My biggest fear. Well, second biggest fear. My biggest is leaving my kids behind which is why I stand up to the other fear of the doctor. Best to you that it all turns out normal.