Relieved

It started with the Callback and I worried about Something More.

It's Thursday.

Tears streaming down my cheeks.

Sitting in the recliner with Stinkbug stretched across my lap.

Eating cookie dough straight from the Nestle roll as if it were an ice cream cone.

"I just can't do this tonight" I tell him when he walks in the door at bedtime.

Text from a friend whose calls I'd ignored all day.

I have nothing left to give.

She invites me for coffee but I have an appointment I text back.

She thinks it's for work and I don't correct her.

Ambien induced sleep-as they've all been the past thirty days.

Friday morning.

He takes the kids to school.

We decide to take separate cars.

He has to leave for work by 11:30 and we don't know how long this will take.

At the stoplight I see his missed call.

Glance in my rear view mirror as he points to his cell.

School has called and Stinkbug doesn't feel well.

What should we do?

This appointment is NOT an option. There will be no rescheduling.

I can't wait any longer.

He follows me to the Woman's Imaging Center so he'll know where it is.

I stand beside his car-talking at the window.

I take a deep breath and force open the door.

The reception desk is vacant, yet I hear a voice.

I check in, sign some releases and pick up a magazine.

Willing myself not to think too much.

My name said in a thick accent.

Her name is Olga and I follow her through the dark wooden door.

She is pleased that I remembered not to wear deodorant.

Opening goes in front and there are robes if I am cold.

I change and hang my clothes in the locker.

Olga returns and asks me to follow her.

She is polite but no nonsense.

She doesn't make small talk.

We'll be taking images of the right one today she tells me.

She sanitizes the clear plates and adjusts the machine.

I didn't know this.

I am both relieved and concerned.